I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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