is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
