your room smells of hookers.
And success
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
