Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your room smells of hookers.
And success
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
