My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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