i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
