Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
