Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
