It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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