Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
