So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
