i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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