I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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