I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i came on her dog
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
