If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
