I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
