My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ugly people sure do ruin things
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
