I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
