if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
