This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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