I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
