I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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