I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
