i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
