No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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