I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
