please come you make the beer taste better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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