just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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