I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize