I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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