Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
