I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
