I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
