Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
