Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
