all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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