So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
