So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
