i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
