Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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