my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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