I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
