i don't like sucking hair
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
