I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i believe in u and ur pee
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize