i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
