How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
