Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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