He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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