I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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