so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
