What a fucking waste of an outfit
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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