sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
