Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
do herpes really smell.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
