OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
