She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the liver wants what the liver wants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
