one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
