wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
