Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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