just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
