oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
