You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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