She announced her abortion via fbk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
