Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How's work?
Spinning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
