Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
