I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
MIDGETS
????
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
