You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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