my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
