My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
